Life is short , they say – make the most of it. But somewhere we are all stranded on all temporary situations, troubles, arguments, misunderstandings that don’t last forever.
From worrying about future to not being happy with our jobs/salary, tensed for promotions to holding age old grudges for long. Life needs to move on for good.
Thinking of incidences of my life, I’ve had situations in my college, where I did not like this group of friends and everything I did, I was tagged as “attention seeker”. For me friendship did not mean seeking attention. Just that the value or worthiness I deserved did not come to me. So I chose not to meet these friends, nor get along. It’s now 5 years since college time I’m still not in touch with any of them and those incidences still make me feel inferior.
I remember more instances of how some bitter situations make you lose your friends/loved ones etc even your parents for that matter. Something that you do as a kid, is edged so much in the parents’ minds that they abandon the kids, break ties with them and everything seems to be over for all the wrong reasons. My relative’s son fell to wrong company in his 20s and got addicted to alcohol and drugs but now at age of 32 when he has come a long way of being strong, able to maintain good physique, have a job of his own, when he has begun to take responsibilities, his father still disowns him. It seems like your mistakes define you. That should never be the case. The repercussions that occur because of this are a lifelong regret of lost relationship, lost love and sheer waste of time. Even in family crisis times I noticed that bond missing, was very heartless to see this.
What could be the reasons for loss of relationships, unnecessary arguments, misunderstandings?? It is our anger! When you are angry, you say things you are not supposed to be saying, do things that could lead to worst case scenarios. Your mind is not in the right state then and neither you are aware of the repercussions that could take place because of what you do in anger. The result of it all ends on a very sour note – you have lost your respect, your relationships are affected, you fall down in your own eyes and no amount of regret, guilt will rectify what you have done or said. Take the case of murderers, the act done in angst cannot rectify their sins nor bring the dead back to life.
But every question has an answer, every trouble has a solution – The best solution being to let go off your grudges, those bad times, those misunderstandings and your anger. It is so important for you to talk to people to get all your feelings heard. We are all humans, we need to understand that unless we express we cannot expect the other person to know our feelings for them. Be it gratitude, care, respect etc. We need to be open enough to apologise, speak out of what we felt at that moment, what you regret about that incident and how you want to start on a fresh note all over again. It is that simple. Holding onto sour notes do no good to you nor the other person.
The biggest secret to avoid getting into the bad situations is the 90/10 principle. The 90/10 Principle was popularized by Stephen Covey, the amazing author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It states that: 10% of life is made up of what happens to you, and 90% of life is decided by how you react. It is that simple!! Here’s the main catch. You cannot control the events that happen in your life but you can definitely control how you could react on it. It is all in you :).
Learn to be forgiving and learn to forget. Do not let your ego get to your relationships. We all end up dying some day and when you’re gone, is when people feel the sympathy, the big guilt of not forgiving him or her and that remains throughout your life. What you take back while you leave this world is love , respect and prayers. Your ego, your anger, your hatred, your rough attitude will all fall to dust someday. Nothing lasts – even you don’t. But fond memories should be cherished with the time that the Almighty has given you.
I can definitely relate to the Frozen movie’s famous song – Let it go. It’s very powerful when Elsa the protagonist sings – ‘Let it go. Don’t hold back anymore’ Try incorporating the same and see how life changes for you and your loved ones. I have learnt since childhood and even from today’s kids – when you fight for small issues, next day you are normal friends again. Why can’t we have the same thought process as adults?.
Let’s do some little efforts to get rid or at least avoid our angry outbursts and trust me, little control on our temporary outbursts can save us from big disasters –
1. Every time something said by someone instigates you, always think – what they said will really matter in the next 5 years?. If it doesn’t then it should not even matter in the next 5 minutes.
2. Every time you feel angry, close your eyes , fold your fists and count backwards from 10 to 1 This way you will realize the reverse action in your mindset.
3. Take time out – time out is not just for kids, you could take time out too. Take a break, do not let the stress get to your head and later to your loved ones. They long for your love, give them. They don’t deserve your anger of course :).
4. Physical exercise – Exercises help not only to keep your body fit but your mind as well. And that is a scientifically proven fact!. Do a brisk walk in the mornings, or stretches, push ups or jogging. The goodness you feel when your heartbeat raises is a real great feeling. Your mind also gets healthy in this process.
5. Relaxation – Meditation and yoga are really good exercises for the mind to help you analyse, keep calm and refresh your mind with good breathing and some alone time.
Remember, the value of your relationships are much more higher than your anger, your ego. It is important to learn to forgive and forget and take life in our stride and create long lasting bondings and impressions.